"Thrive with ADD"
WHAT COUNTS IN A PARTNER?

In this Issue:

• WHAT COUNTS IN A PARTNER?
  A Positive "Us" Approach
• "THRIVE WITH ADD" WORKSHOP
  Sunday, January 26 in New York City

Sidebar:

• COACHING FOR ADD ADULTS
  Is Coaching for You?
• Coming Soon!
  Audio Recording, Strategy E-book, Coaching Video
• Celebrate the Difference
  Fun Illustrated Products Show Off ADD Strengths

Certain ADD traits make us very attractive people to be around. But others can create frustration in our personal relationships. A client suggested recently that perhaps he'd do better with his ADD traits if the "significant other" in his life weren't so similar to himself. He pondered whether, if his girlfriend were more orderly, disciplined and goal-directed, he would be able to become that way by being "forced" to do so.

In my experience with many clients in relationship challenges over ADD traits, this doesn't happen. We can't change our natures by "force of will." It doesn't really matter whether your partner is similar to you or different. If what you are doing is frustrating to them, what matters is their willingness to work WITH you on helping you change your HABITS, rather than negatively dwelling on past disappointments.

To a relationship partner, working WITH you can be as simple as accepting that you have challenges around particular areas (time, organization, clutter, etc.), and helping brainstorm solutions that will work for both of you. Valuable attributes in a partner are the ability to look forward rather than back, and to avoid placing all the blame on you for past disappointments. Assuming YOU make a commitment to work towards addressing the problem area, your partner could act as a coach to help keep you on track.

The most unhelpful approach is one of constant criticism, nay-saying, dwelling on past disappointments, or denial of your ADD. An insistence that you COULD remember everything they say, keep a tidy office, and get everything done that you promise IF YOU REALLY WANTED TO negates the idea that you are trying to do these things, but need to use a different strategy to succeed at it.

The approach you need may depend on your partner's support. A loving reminder about completing a stage of a project on a certain day, or asking "What can I do to help?" can make a big difference.

If you enlist your partner's help, your job is to accept it graciously. You may also want to request the most effective way for your partner to phrase requests or reminders, so as not to provoke tension. For example, compare the phrasing of:

"Can't you ever get ready on time? You knew about this dinner all day!" versus

"What can I do now to help us get out by 6:00?"

The first way sounds like critical nagging. The second way is the "US" approach, giving the feeling that you're in this together.

Learn about PERSONAL CONTRACTS in "Thrive with ADD" Workshops and Telephone Classes. The next Workshop is this Sunday! READ ON.....

"Coaching is a way to develop effective strategies to help you reach goals of greater performance, change or transformation in your life. Coaching will help you reach important decisions, and deal with people, events and organization in an optimal way. As an ADD Coach, I help you understand how ADD works with you in particular, so that you can work WITH your own flow and rhythm, rather than against it. You can reach goals you never thought possible!"

Visit www.thrivewithADD.com first to find out how ADD coaching works. Then, contact Bonnie to set an appointment for a free 30-minute phone coaching session.

Several affordable resources will be up on my website by the end of September.
See www.thrivewithADD.com.

"Thrive with ADD" CD / Audio Recording

Based on my popular teleclasses and New York workshop, this 74-minute recording contains all the learnings from Overview of Adult ADD, and Work, Tasks, Projects and Study. It contains strategies, anecdotes, to be used for self-observation to help you coach yourself. It's also great for helping your loved ones understand you.

Strategy E-Book:
"The Keys to Getting Started"

In a survey of my readers, you indicated Getting Started as your biggest challenge (I can relate!) So this is the first book in what will be a "Keys to..." series of strategy e-books.

Video segment on Adult ADD for Public Broadcasting

I had a short video produced on adult ADD, that will be sent to all the Public Broadcasting (PBS) stations in the U.S. in the fall.

SUBSCRIBE: To receive periodic information on ADD from Bonnie Mincu, visit www.thrivewithadd.com to join the mailing list.

© Copyright 2003 Bonnie Mincu. The "THRIVE with ADD Newsletter" may only be redistributed in its unedited form. Written permission from the author must be obtained to reprint or cite the information contained within this newsletter.