As I coach many different ADD clients, I am continually struck by the fantastic beliefs that so many ADDers have about the 'rest of the world' - people who are not ADD.

It seems that many people with ADD think that other people carry around a magic internal clock, have phenomenal memories for direction and information, and can visualize all appointments and deadlines in their head at all times.

In short, ADDers seem to believe that non-ADDers are human computers. Those who hold up this false standard, in an attempt to appear 'normal' (non-ADD), never learn to use the basic tools of life. Unfortunately, they create their own chaos by ignoring the very tools and strategies that would make them organized.

Here's the reality:

The primary reason non-ADDers appear to be more organized, on time, uncluttered, and generally together is that they have picked up life habits, strategies and tools that make them that way.

YOU can also learn habits and strategies to provide the same benefits. But first, you need to let go of your myths.

Do you hold any of these false assumptions or fantasies?


MYTH 1: Time will follow whatever rule I decide for it.

Do you persist in holding on to wrong beliefs of how much time an activity will take you, despite a lifetime of evidence to the contrary?

• Janet habitually crammed her weekends full of so many errands and 'to do's' that they were impossible to accomplish. She based her schedule on the idea that a typical errand 'should' take 10 minutes. After a few weeks of actually timing how long each activity took, Janet was forced to acknowledge that nothing on her list took less than 30 minutes.



• Nathan was chronically late in submitting his paperwork and reports to his boss. He based his time planning on how long he thought the paper 'should' take to write, instead of how long it actually took him to research, write, proofread, edit and format each report.

Like Janet and Nathan, many ADDers who don't complete things on time, or are always running late, often operate on a belief system that is based on erroneous evidence, or no evidence at all. Even worse than the shame and missed opportunity caused by the chronic lateness is the ADDer's belief that 'everyone else' would actually be faster and more efficient. While there are sometimes areas where efficiency can be improved, in reality, the activity in question would usually take anyone far longer to perform. In any case, the relevant time is not how long it takes others, but how long it typically takes you.

REALITY: Time is not infinite. Make a point of finding out how long things really take YOU to do. Non-ADDers don't know this by magic; they've developed a habit over the years of looking at their watch.

HELPFUL TOOL: Track how long it takes you to perform typical tasks and activities with my Time Sense Exercise. Learn how to use it in a powerful way to turn your life around in the Thrive with ADD 'Develop a Time Sense' class recording with notes. Click here for details.


MYTH 2: Calendars are for sissies.

Do you believe that you should be able to remember all appoint- ments, deadlines, commitments and promises without writing or recording them?

• Kathy insisted that she had no need for either a paper or electronic calendar, saying that she always remembered appointments. However, her husband complained that she often would forget to follow through on little things she'd promised to take care of.

Many ADDers go through their life without using a calendar of any kind. They believe that needing a calendar is some kind of weakness, and that they'll actually remember every appointment, promise or social event.

I've come to believe a good memory can actually be a handicap to people with ADD. With many of my coaching clients, it seems the better their memory, the worse they are at planning because they resist using an organizational tool. Inevitably, Kathy did forget an appointment. And she thought nothing of calling to ask what time or day it had been scheduled. Yet she thought a basic tool of self-reliance, like a calendar, to be a 'crutch!'

REALITY: Most non-ADDers rely on calendars or PDA's. The more organized they are, the more they depend on their calendar for planning and follow-through. They would not dream of expecting to remember everything they had to do.

HINT: Use only ONE calendar that you always have with you to record general daily appointments, commitments and deadlines. Having separate calendars for home and work can be a recipe for disaster if they don't both have the same appointments recorded in both. If you must use both a PC and PDA, be sure to sync them up every day.


MYTH 3: It looks bad if I don't remember what I'm told.

Are you embarrassed at not remembering everything that you hear?

Many ADDers don't take notes in meetings, or when they're given direction on the job, thinking that one shouldn't have to write things to remember them. Often at home, they simply haven't developed a habit of writing down what is needed.

• Hart promised to pick up several items for a dinner party, but when he got home, a critical ingredient was forgotten. His roommate was annoyed to have to go out and get it, wondering why Hart didn't simply write a shopping list.


• Francie agreed to find out several pieces of information for her prospective client during a sales proposal. But after the meeting, she wasn't quite sure if she remembered them right, and felt uncomfortable calling back and asking. As a result, she left out key information and didn't get the account.

Whether for work, school, or personal life, once you acknowledge that you've heard something, the other person assumes you've 'got it' and will then follow through. It's up to you to ask for clarification if you're not sure what was meant.

But getting instructions right should not be a feat of memory. Putting instructions in writing is a key to ensuring there is no misunderstanding.

REALITY: Hearing is not the way that most people learn and remember best. Everyone has their best learning and remembering modality among hearing, seeing and touching/ movement. There's nothing ADD about needing to SEE information.

Instructions that are only verbally delivered are the most likely to be forgotten or mixed up. You'd do best to get them down in writing, either by taking notes yourself, or by sending a follow-up email to verify the steps involved. Most people learn and remember better when they can read and write information as well as hear it. So in a work situation, taking notes makes you appear more interested and organized - not less.

HINTS:

• Always have a notepad with you when you talk to a boss or client. If you have trouble with writing while you're trying to listen, carry a pocket-sized recorder with you in your pocket.



• When given a number of steps for follow-through, summarize them in an email back to the person who gave the directions, asking them to confirm that you've gotten them right.



• In a learning situation, if someone is trying to teach you something without written information, tell them, 'I learn best when I can refer back to notes later.'



• Keep a small notebook in your bag for jotting down personal notes. Make a point of checking it every night.

Using the hints and tools provided may require forming new habits. Habit-forming takes conscious thought in the beginning. The best way to get yourself into a mode of organized follow-through is to create a pleasant ritual for doing that.

Learn how with the Thrive with ADD class recording, 'RITUALS to CHANGE HABITS'. Click here to learn how.

A few months ago, I asked my readers to fill out a short questionnaire about the role that SHAME played in your life. I was gratified to get almost 500 heart-felt responses, with a sincere outpouring of feeling. I realized I had touched a nerve in the Adult ADHD community.

The critical learning from the survey was a validation of the idea that the behavior that results from being ashamed of (usually minor) ADD-type foibles usually led to worse consequences than the slip-up by itself. Shame caused avoidance, which in turn has cost people money, time, relationships and peace of mind.

Click here to see the RESULTS of the SURVEY.

I intend to introduce a seminar or teleclass this year to offer strategies to help deal with shame/avoidance. Stay tuned!