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"Thrive with ADD" Newsletter, September 9, 2002
Bonnie Mincu, Personal & Business Coach
specializing in adults with Attention Deficit Disorder
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PLEASE FORWARD THIS EMAIL to anyone interested in
ATTENTION DEFICIT DISORDER.
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In this Issue:
1. ADD IMPULSIVITY AND RELATIONSHIPS
The "Little Things" that Add Up
2. "THRIVE WITH ADD" TELEPHONE CLASS -
Starts Tuesday evening, October 15. Register now!
3. Listen to a FREE TELECLASS - Overview on ADD
4. WHAT COACHING CAN DO FOR YOU -
FREE Coaching or Consultation phone session
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ADD IMPULSIVITY AND RELATIONSHIPS
The "Little Things" that Add Up!
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When I give classes and talks on ADD, the area that seems to generate the most surprise is on how ADD affects relationships. Most people are aware of ADD's effect on attention span, focus and organization. It's easy to guess how these traits affect how well we get tasks done on time, or keep our spaces neat.
Other ADD traits, like impulsivity, aren't as commonly known. ADDers usually desire to please others, and are very spontaneous and impulsive. In attracting people, this combination is a big plus! But, in long-term relationships, with friends and family, it also becomes a source of frustration.
THE PROBLEM: BEHAVIOR PATTERN of IMPULSIVITY
Matt was a guest at a large private party. He and the hostess knew each other well, although it had been several years since Matt had been to her home. As the party was winding down after midnight, Matt wanted some coffee. (As an ADDer, he wasn't bothered by late-night caffeine.) He thought it would be a nice gesture to make a pot for everyone. So he found coffee in the hostess's cabinet, brewed a full pot, and then asked who wanted some. No one else did. The hostess was angry that Matt used up a very expensive blend of coffee that she had bought for a special private occasion - and that would now go to waste.
In this case, Matt's impulsive gesture, born out of a desire to be helpful, did not create the reaction he had hoped for. Instead of feeling appreciated, he felt scolded! The hostess would have preferred that he ask her before going into her cabinets, and considered that most people in that age-group (who were not ADD) avoided caffeine late at night.
Matt's relationships with friends and family have had a history of small and large misunderstandings and hurt feelings due to little incidents like this one.
THE REMEDY: THINKING BEFORE ACTING
In this case, Matt's intentions were very positive. The step that was missing was THINKING IT THROUGH. Matt could learn to get in the habit of stopping and thinking before jumping into action. Questions he could have asked himself were:
QUESTION TO ASK: Is it appropriate for me to find and make coffee without asking the hostess?
THINKING IT THROUGH:
- It involves going through someone else's cabinets.
- It assumes that it's ok to use whatever coffee I find there.
QUESTION TO ASK: Is it safe to assume that these people will want coffee at this time?
THINKING IT THROUGH:
- The guests were in their 40's (when most people become more caffeine-sensitive at night).
- Most were getting ready to leave.
Getting into the habit of thinking through "little things" like this can be a big step in maintaining positive relationships. With relationships, the little things can mean a lot!
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"THRIVE WITH ADD" TELEPHONE CLASS - Starts Oct 15
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The "Thrive with ADD" 5-session teleclass series -- at only $125 -- is the very best value you'll find for learning about ADD, and helping you figure out how it works uniquely in you.
Here are the details. DON'T DELAY IN REGISTERING!
THRIVE with ADD:
How to Finish Projects, Sustain Relationships and Reach Goals
You Never Thought Possible
DATES: Five Tuesday evenings: Oct 15, 22, 29; Nov 5 & 12
TIME: 8:30 PM Eastern Time.
TUITION: $125
FOR: Adults and mature teens
MATERIALS: Written information and exercises will be sent by e-mail before each class
TEACHER: Bonnie Mincu, a Personal and Business Coach specializing in Adult Attention Deficit Disorder.
TELEPHONE CLASS DESCRIPTION:
Attention Deficit Disorder can be both an asset and a challenge in people's lives. While people with ADD typically are highly intelligent and creative, and often burst with energy and ideas, they can suffer from poor implementation and follow-through, frustrated relationships, and lack of focus. Distraction is a major issue for ADDers, and it can take many forms -- from a preponderance of thoughts that affect concentration, to the need to constantly move from one task to another, to a compulsion to get up and move every few minutes.
ADDers have problems beginning or following through on mundane tasks that are necessary to business success or everyday living. However, they will "hyper focus" on their areas of intense interest, to the point where they might forget to do anything else!
In this course, participants will learn about ADD in a way that opens up insights into their own lives, in order to develop strategies help them cope and thrive with their unique traits. The course will have five modules:
1. WHAT IS ADD, and WHAT DOES IT MEAN TO ME?
Learn the basics of ADD, and determine how it plays out in your own life in ways both obvious and hidden.
2. WORK, TASKS and PROJECTS
Understand how the many facets of ADD affect the way you work, how to approach work in ways that lead to success for you, how to determine the kinds of work environment you can thrive in, and those you should avoid!
3. ADD and RELATIONSHIPS
Learn about the hidden ways ADD can sabotage close relationships without you realizing it by frustrating your family, close friends, and significant others. We'll discuss ways that loved ones can unknowingly erode your self-esteem.
4. INTERPERSONAL SKILLS: ACQUAINTANCES and COLLEAGUES
Figure out your social style and that of others to determine strategies for making a good first impression and sustaining stress-free interactions. You'll learn when and how to pay attention to your gut instincts regarding people. Typical ADD traits relating to social cues are discussed.
5. PUTTING IT TOGETHER - STRATEGIES FOR YOUR LIFE
Take what you've learned and make it personal! Become clearer on your life vision; and come away with some strategies for completing projects, creating your ideal environment, enhancing life skills and sustaining relationships.
Along with gaining a wealth of solid information, participants are encouraged to bring their own questions and challenges to the table.
REGISTRATION INSTRUCTIONS:
The class fee of $125 is payable by credit card or check. You can register through the website www.thrivewithadd.com (go to the link Classes/Workshops and scroll down), or go directly to .
Please contact Bonnie Mincu by email (bonnie@bonniemincu.com) or phone 212-614-7317 for additional information.
This class sells out, so don't delay! Payment must be received by Friday, October 11 to hold your spot.
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LISTEN TO A FREE TELECLASS
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You can hear a recording of a one-hour overview telephone class on ADD given by Bonnie Mincu, called "Is Your Christmas Tree Still Up in July?"
Call anytime to listen at your convenience: 212-461-2891 (This phone number is for the recording only.)
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WHAT COACHING CAN DO FOR YOU
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Coaching is a way for individuals to develop effective strategies to help them reach goals of greater performance, change or transformation in their lives. Coaching will help you reach important decisions, and deal with people, events and organization in an optimal way. An ADD Coach helps people with ADD / ADHD understand how ADD works with them in particular, so that they can work WITH their own flow and rhythm, rather than against it. You can reach goals you never thought possible!
BONNIE MINCU is a Personal & Business Coach specializing in adult Attention Deficit Disorder. A corporate manager and consultant for more than 20 years, Bonnie did not suspect she had ADD until she started her own business. Now on the Board of the International Coaching Federation, New York, she is a trainer, consultant and coach to organizations and entrepreneurs. She also coaches individuals and couples on the ways ADD impacts their lives, and helps them develop personal strategies for how to "thrive" with their uniqueness. Bonnie holds an MBA and MA in Organization Development. She is a graduate of B-Coach and ADD Coach Academy.
FREE COACHING or CONSULTATION SESSION
Contact Bonnie to set an appointment for a free 30-minute phone coaching or consultation session.
PHONE: 212-614-7317
E-MAIL: bonnie@bonniemincu.com
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QUESTIONS? Contact:
Bonnie Mincu, Personal & Business Coach
www.bonniemincu.com
212-614-7317
bonnie@bonniemincu.com
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